Say it Ain't So...

So I have to say that I hoped they'd buck the trend. Pam Anderson and Kid Rock that is. I feel like I was practically at their wedding since we were in the South of France at the same time, and I was oogling over boats similar to the one that they got married on. Alas, after less than four months, it is over. (I can't believe it was four months ago that I was there by the by.) However, this does up the chance that I can be Kid Rock's groupie and get that name checked off my island list. Love the wife beaters, you know! *the shirts that is!

Turkey time was great. Tuesday we had a feast at school for the chittlings. Consisted of Oscar Mayer Turkey slices, bread, carrots, celery, a variety of fruit and glasses of milk, followed by pumpkin pie. They were thrilled. My favorite part were the Pilgrim hats I made them. The kids initially thought that Pirates started Thanksgiving, and it was only after the hat intro they got the difference. Damn Cap'n Jack Sparrow for the confusion!

The hats thing made me think of Clueless were Dionne is talking about how her wedding will have a nautical theme and all the bridesmaids will wear little sailor hats and outfits. I think I'd have a pilgrim wedding. That'd be unique. No one would forget that. Or go come to think of it. Wait, the Pilgrims drank. So yep, my friends would be there!

Had a delightful dinner with Darryl and CC this weekend. They got a china cabinet recently, and I have to say, I'm a big fan. If you're going to get the good stuff, you should display it. Their's is gorgeous and quite classy. And can I just say for the record, those people can cook!

Here is my funny youtube for the day...10 minutes long. Ali G interviewing Posh Spice and David Beckham. Made me laugh...of course, I can't link to it now due to the damn filiter at work. Damn this productivity/no porn allowed! :)

Halloween Havoc

The tenth trolloween...it may just have hit me this year. That could be when me and friends were asked to leave a cab around 2:30 AM...Or it could have been the booze, booze and more booze that we indulged in. I stayed with the Plants. They were kind enough to let me stay glued to their couch (and brought breakfast in!) until 3PM the next day.

The night was great...new additions, regulars, and great bars. Some of the best costumes...Borat, Dumb and Dumber (cute girls dressed in the orange and blue tuxedos), Paris Hilton, Jack in the Box, Connie Chung (very dedicated to reporting). I myself was a witch...the highlight being the thigh high red and white striped stockings. I hear they're in fashion, which I'm thrilled about because they couldn't be cuter. I think they might be more for roller girls (like the chick on Survivor) or mods, but perhaps I can make them hip on the teacher scene.

School's Halloween was great. First year all the kids had costumes. They didn't think I was scary because my face wasn't green. Oh well, now I know for next year.

He Slips Through My Fingers

My EB Window-Friend (not Jameson, the other EB W-F) just informed me that his former employee who I met a few times and flirted with over the phone has just been chosen as one of Cosmo's most Eligible Men in the US. Of course, now the guy lives in Mississippi (I had to say the little chant to remember how to spell it) where I'm sure the number of hot guys is significantly less than CA. So his odds were better after moving...Anyway, this makes the second Cosmo chosen guy that I have met prior to their making the list. The first was at the wedding of B&J ("Costa Rica Chica, do you even remember my wedding?" sigh) where he was sitting at my table. The cousin of B, I had no idea I was so close to eligible hotness. Would I have been more on point if I had known? (Could I have been anymore on? Hmm. A question for the ages. Could be answered perhaps by the closet I slept in and thought my brother had locked me in using the ingenious ironing board to keep me in. We didn't see much of those around our house growing up. Obviously I was scared...) And the only thing that leaps out about Mr. Man in my memory now is that he was wearing a pink tie.

Anyway, this is Joe Kuhner. And he was this good looking if not more so in person. And I met him mid-workout, and he was still hot. Now he apparently teaches math because, "I decided to teach because I love explaining things. I'm also a kid at heart." Maybe teaching high school would be tolerable if your co-workers looked like this guy. Hmmm.

On the positive side of things, my weekend was full of eye candy and good times. Met the lovely Eden at last, and all is well with the G-man Gang. They actually didn't look tired or anything, and walked out to see me in GG Park during my tourney, which went quite well. Re-lived our Night Train Nazi story which Daddi-o found very amusing. Got to hold the little one. All was well...I was sitting with her kind laying on my legs with her head (supported by my hands) by my knees facing me. All of a sudden there was a noise from the diaper area, and I ehmm, dropped her head. Luckily my knees were there to catch it. Tip for other baby holders out there..Dropping a newborns head does not go over all that well. They were nice about it, but there was definitely a lioness look to Sniffilious that was new. Kinda like how she would look if you made fun Rascal back in the day...but much more so.

Tourney was good...Hot enough that the hot guys just HAD to play with their shirts off. Lost in the finals, but the play all day was good. Dinner was made by Lids in the city, and today we hit the Delta for a last hurrah.

ALMOST CLEARED THE WAKE! Next season I'm sure to get it. Stupid tongue was all over the place. Luckily, no cameras were in sight. I really need to figure a different way to concentrate. Something cuter like picking my nose maybe...

Now if only my shoulder will hold out. Damn bursitits! That's how you spell it by the way. Did you know that the bursa is the area between your bones and your tendons? Well, the bursa in my right shoulder is rather inflamed and angry. The scrip is to do nothing, but I'm having a hard time following orders...

Last thing...topic of what "your passion" is came up on the boat today, and then became if you could have any profession, what would you do? Lids would do carpentry, Jameson said a guitarist in a band, and I said a politician. Which was mocked as me wanting power or control. Do I really seem that power or control fixated? (Like being a rock star didn't have more than a smidge to do with having groupies...but that wasn't mocked.) I had actually always assumed I'd go into politics at some point, but then having the fun stuff you did in college slung at you like mud...and well, there is a fair amount of that (all photographed and albumed by Manoa Missy) out there. But I don't think I have a passion. I like a lot of things, I'm fairly good at most things, but it's not like one ring controls all the others (ie LOTR). Do most people have a passion (or a precious)? I thought I had hobbies. Passion to me is Tiger Woods with golf. M Townie might be that way with poker, which makes beating him at his passion the other night kinda doubly satisifying.

That's it! My passion is crushing other people's passions. I think that's why I enjoy catching bouquets so much. The other girls really want it to get married. And I just want it so no one else will get it. If they didn't want it so bad, it wouldn't be any fun. Gee, that isn't much of a passion, though it does make sense. Hmm. I guess that kinda makes me a bitch. Well, maybe if when I beat them, I do my best not to smirk. Yes, that's what I'll do. Then I'll just be the talented girl who screams at inappropriate times. And that's enough of a cross for any one woman.

How I Make Things Hard (for Myself)

Yesterday I (at last) paid some bills that had been sitting around for a while. Now, it's not that I don't have the moola to pay such bills, I am just very bad about doing it on time. I'm trying to set up automatic bill pay on as many accounts as possible because I figure if someone steals some, in the end I'll probably still end up ahead...no late fees, finance charges or bad credit. I definitely seem to go out of my way to make my own life more trying.

My own little step towards better health...I now order brown rice on every occasion I buy dinner at whole foods. I figure it balances out the beer intake that has increased this baseball season. Somehow, sitting in a bar watching baseball just kicks ass. Much better than home.

I am a busy girl over the next few weekends...tourney this weekend--that I fear will be the last actually warm one--and the TROLLEY!! the following weekend. This is our tenth year doing the trolley, and I am impressed every year with the people on that ride. So creative with the costumes, really friendly, and even when I go knowing only a few peeps, I have the best time. The first year was maybe the craziest night I've ever been involved in (more than the walrus night), and created a couple of infamous legends. Things have mellowed since that first debacherous year, but it is definitely a raging good time. And one that requires clinging to a couch the following Sunday.

Of course, in keeping with my pattern, I don't have a costume as of yet. All I can think of are ideas for men and things that would have been great 5 years ago Then the--what about the kids thing. How to make something that is adult and kid friendly. Pregnant Britney Spears wouldn't go over great here.

I am happy to report that the Mothers returned from the great trip abroad with themselves and their good humor intact. I did hear that if wasn't for Debbie's fireman muscle, a bag or two may not have made it to Geneva. Good at hauling bags up and down train stairs is the scouting report. So keep that in mind for your next trip.

I should get to the costume store and get creative or something. But if anyone calls me to go get a beer, I'm going!!

Floats through the Air with the Greatest of Ease

Played in a little volleyball tourney this weekend. Made the quarter finals with a fine fella named Sid...not to be confused with the Sid Raspberry from the bowling/Stairmaster days of yore. No, this Sid was a great player, cool guy, and he could jump like a mofo. We played grass doubles from 9-4 with hardly any breaks between games. Great fun, and if it wasn't for my stupid shoulder aching, all would be well. I suppose that I probably shouldn't have played and rested it more, but this is the end of outdoor play, and there are so many attractive people out there, I can't stand to not go.

Today I had to tell the kids that summer is over and fall is here. (boo!) We talked about how leaves fall from the trees, and that's how they remember the season. (This works very well, and they all seem to get it. Of course, the rest of the year when I ask what season it is, they all say fall. In March, I have them march everywhere, and I get them to do chants like they are in the army. Then the rest of the year they hope it is march so they can march all over the place. Quite a teacher here, I know). Anyway, after the kids see me talk about fall, every year (including today) the kids start this strange thing where they bring me in bouquets of dead leaves. I don't think this happens to the other teachers, so I don't know what about me, what I do or say inspires kids to pick these up and hand them to me like they are roses. It is peculiar, and consistent every year. I was trying to drop hints about how much I like coffee and jewelery, but thus far, its roses and weeds that look like flowers.

Just to pat my own back for a segundo...I am very prooud of myself for doing more art in class than in years past. I have 0 creativity, so it is certainly a stretch, but the kids are coo coo for it, and it certainly cutens up the place.

Sniffy had her baby. All is well with the whole family, and the baby looks like Lori (from what I could tell) but with dark hair (lots of it!) I guess since Suri Cruise it is all the rage to have bushels of hair at birth. That beats taping a bow to the head of bald baby girls like my mother did. Apparently I didn't like when she would pull the tape (and my newly sprouting hair) off. How the woman laughs when she tells that story. And she wonders why I'm so sensitive.

I Wanna be on Top

Guilty pleasures. The above title is the theme song to America's next top model. It is on the old WB, whatever it is called now on Wed at 8. Great show. Pretty girls doing catty things while getting their hair and make-up done and then taking sexy pictures while looking "fierce" a la Tyra Banks. The girl who almost got booted last night had long beautiful hair until Tyra had her cut it off as part of her make-over, to play up her masculine features. Which it did. So the poor thing doens't feel pretty anymore, and Tyra gives her shit about it. You check it. Is she a man baby?

These pics are for the Kid. Don't say I never do anything for you.

Two in a Day?

So I'm at school, but I can't seem to get any work done. I don't feel like reading the news, although I did read the transcripts to Mark Foley's IM session. Um, gross. And not very creative either. But anyway...

I can't stop thinking that Lori is pushing a kid out of her body. I talked to the hub at 1 and they were there but the progress was slow. You know how some women want to go natural and not take any drugs? I heard someone compare that to getting a tooth pulled out with any novacaine. And think how much bigger a kid is than a tooth.

Anyway, I should really get some work done. But I just don't want to. *sigh* Wonder if there is anyone I can have an interesting IM with? :)

Quickie

So for those of you out there who know Sniffy, I got an email that she thinks she may be having contractions that are the real deal. She sent the message at 5:30 AM. She is my first friend that I've kind of grown up with that is having a kid and that I've lived through the whole marriage, preggo experience with...well, there were others, but they were in high school, were older or of a different religious persuasion that made all that happen sooner. It's really surreal for me, so it has to be bizarro world for her.

Speaking of Bizzaro World...the Brother had a poker party this weekend. I was pretty thrilled with my performance. Won one, top two in the tohers, which we diddn't play out to expedite the process...) The younger Townie seemed less than thrilled and more stupefied (like in Harry Potter). Sure, some of the times I stayed in, perhaps I shouldn't have...but when you're the big blind, and your 3 and 8 pair up on the flop, you're staying, right? Even with a strong flush draw on the table. I wonder if playing poker with someone like me (for someone like Townie who knows what is what) is like playing blackjack with a shmoo at third base in a casino.

Some awful person I work with has been stealing Coffeemate creamer all month. It didn't bother me, once in a while sure, but on a regular basis? Bitch, buy your own! Then today, I come in, and my cream is gone...the bitch finished it off and threw it away! Can you believe that??!?! I left a bitchy note on the board in the lounge. It was artfully crafted to be sure, but pleasantly sharp. Can you imagine doing that? Pretty stinky. Especially when I am jonesing for coffee big time.

Why My Apartment Stinks

No, it doesn't stink literally. I have not been happy with my apartment in quite a while. This was compounded recently by the two notices I've received in the last two months...but I'll go ahead and list them chronologically--to the best of my ability. I've lived in the place two years and one month. After reviewing the list, you tell me--bad luck or bad apartment?

* Tom The Peeper...Got out of the shower one morning (the door looks out my bedroom window), and I spy a set of eyes peeping in through my fence.
** Trick or Treat...returned home at about 4 one morning following a succession of Halloween parties to find my kitchen and part of my living room flooded after the kitchen sink backed up.
*** Jack in the Crack...Car was stolen from in front of my house so a couple of yahoos could hit J in the C. Left ashes adn curly fries all over the counsel when they found it 32 days later. (With open but unharmed baby presents for Child Town-normous.)
**** Plumber's Crack...I routinely have next to no water pressure in the bathroom sink, and my shower drain loves to catch my hair. This means I have to pull out a hair ball the likes of which a cat (i.e. da Bones) pukes on a regular basis.
***** Light a Match!...The apartment is quite dark, which is nice in the summer, but in order to see in the kitchen at any point in the day, you have to have a light on. I hate that! And the bathroom fan will never turn off, and it kinda drives me to drink.
****** Cat haters...Got a notice on my door that the management only allows indoor cats, and they've been seeing a lot of cats outside lately. They think this is why their flowers are all torn up. (Cats don't destroy flowers, but anyway...) So their grand solution was to hire a firm to trap cats on the property and deliver those cats to the humane society. And levy a fine against the owner. Winklestien can just barely haul his 20 lb. ass over the fence (sounds like he is taking it down) and now I have nightmares that my fence is surrounded by cat traps. I tried to keep him in, but his incessant meowing propels me to fling the door open and boot his butt out.
******* Loud sex neighbors who hate TV...If you have loud sex, I don't think it's fair to punish those of us who watch somewhat loud tv. I don't think you have the right to complain about much. That's just me.

So what do you think?

Field Trip Fun

Well boys and girls...we certainly had a time yesterday. First, I found it amazing that we were able to fit 140 kids and 70 adults (kids whose mothers are seniors in high school we count as adults. It is judged by butt size) on three buses. Followed by a leisurely 30 minute ride to a pumpkin patch where the clouds stayed at bay until we were driving home. Of course, since it was so blissfully dry out there, a kid with asthma came down with an attack, and since his MOTY (mom of the year) didn't send an inhaler, we ended up calling an ambulance. To sum it up, the kid is fine, we all made it back, and I was able to take a nice nap.

I am happy to report that I am back on the volleyball circuit. Played in a tourney on Saturday, did well enough, though I've got to take it easy for a bit because I have brisidous. I don't know how to spell it, but it hurts to move my right arm. So it's presently in a sling, and all the kids think I have a broken arm. (I hope I never get an abusive husband because they'll be asking me all day what's wrong with me. Kids have no tact.) I have two more tourneys in Oct, and then a whole NCVA season where we play all around CA! Yeah! Plus, I have to tell you, there is nothing hotter to me than a guy drinking a beer at 10AM and then playing kick ass volleyball. Me gusta!

Straight and Fine

Due to circumstances being just right I will be earning a cool extra grand this month. So while I should be thinking about ways to save, suddenly the little nicities like a Coach purse, cute shoes and dinner out on a regular basis keep crossing my mind. What I decided to splurge on however was a device to make my life a little less kinky. That's right friends, I have invested in a high-quality hair straightener. $130 later, it takes hardly any time to do, and it worked so well, I thought that perhaps I had permanently damaged my hair and it would never be curly again. (And I have to say, I was kind of sad...so I guess somewhere deep down, in places that I don't talk about at parties, I am secretly embracing my kinky side...). A little water and it was back in fine form--no worries. So look for new and improved Chica with long, brushable hair the next time you see me.

I have also been trying to get to the gym more often. Started last night be attending the only aerobics class I was on time for--the last one. Of course, it was only 30 minutes and was called 24 Hour Tease. It was a class that used stripper moves to work out to. Great music, and I really liked it. I did realize that my hips are really good at rolling in one direction. The other--doesn't work so well. The instructor kept telling us to be sexy as we were spanking ourselves and using our workout towels like gloves to entice oru audience. After all this practice, I am excited for the next private dance I do. In the meantime however, I'll just have to be content with being a 24-Hour Tease. :)

Engaging News

So in the last week, two of my friends have gotten engaged. This lowers the single female friends in my age range to two. One in Sac, one in HI. This makes for interesting/boring evenings on the weekends. Somehow my weeknights are often full with peeps, but the weekends have become kinda quiet. This is not thrilling, let me tell you. It is well-known that I like a good cocktail on occastion, but somehow it's not socially acceptable to go get one solo. People start to think either you've got a drinking problem, or you're looking for some action. Both could be equally true I suppose. :)

So I guess the time has come for me to look for something "serious". *sigh* That Match thing...last guy I went out with...we met at the LG Jazz in the Plazz, and after explaining to a friend all was cool, but to just not ask how we met, 30 seconds after we sat down, she said, "So Chica, where did you two meet?" I was quick witted and said, "Oh, we met over at the bench at 7". Bitch. (She said it was similar to pushing people in the water, but I think it is closer to just being a jerk. Payback is a bitch, and I can be too.)

Anyway, this guy said he was 6', but upon meeting, he was probably 5'9" and I was wearhing a sandally heel, so I was pushing 6'. While we were talking, I mentioned I was in a quandry about work, and he looked bewildered by what I meant. This happened a couple other times over the course of the night. Hmm. Then at dinner (which he bought--nice) I order something with shittake mushrooms. He said, "Sh-I-I-take? What is that?" He'd never heard of them. And in conversation, he said he'd only left the country 2 times, and the last time was the weekend before when he went to TJ. So when he asked about my summer, I felt like I was bragging about my trip, andit didn't get better when he asked if I'd been before, and I felt like I was confessing when I said it was actually my 5th trip. (Which is pretty cool come to think of it.)

Anywho, the search continues. I wish it didn't feel like work. Well, I guess since work doesn't seem like work, something has to. *sigh*

Oh Shit! Oceans!

So this is the start of my third year in kindergarten. I really feel like I've got the grade dialed pretty nicely, and things are flowing well. I know where they need to be by the end of the year, and how to utilize parents and volunteers so they do as much of my job as I can give them. Which is nice...

No, I don't do a newsletter a week, but I talk to parents and the kids each morning and afternoon about what they will do each day, so the parents always know and can practice at home. (doing a little bit of my job--see!) We have these little sayings for each letter and number..."over the rainbow, down the slide, two, two, two..." And "One is fun" (but two is better)--SS, the other teacher likes to add that last part.

Year started kinda crazy. Last year--90 kindergarteners. This year, 140. So we've added new people, including a former second grade teacher that I have become a mentor for. She watches me sing, dance, and teach in the afternoon then does a repeat performance for her class the next day. I have the usual group of students who don't speak the English, but overall, I'm sure they'll end up fine. This one kid runs around like a tank, He is very short, but kinda built like a sack of rice--one of those big bags from the Asian aisle in the supermarket. I tried to lift him on to the monkey bars, and let's say, it was a struggle.

Then today, we were working on the number three, and I held up a paper, and I hear this kid say, "Oh shit." "What?" I quickly asked. And he repeated himself, pointing to the paper. So I looked at it and realized there were OCEAN animals on it. Oh. That's different. Nevermind.

World Traveler, Part Dieu

So when I last left off…I was in Europa, living the dream. Times was good, the weather cooled down, the rain arrived and my hair (and I) continued to love it. Here is a quick list of fun times. I’ll fill you in on more specifics when I show pics in the near future:
Became an honorary Trinidad and Tobegan. D & I thought it would be fun to launch the Fete de Geneve off by being in a parade. That day involved painting a British guy in chocolate, getting dressed (in a house with no mirrors) in costumes owned by a girl who is 5’2”, marching in baby steps for 3 miles over a period of 3 hours, being in photographs and videos of people from all over the world (lots of middle eastern women in burka like get-ups) that with the grace of god I’ll never see. (Another reason I can’t run for public office. Sigh).
Sketching on trains. D & I had a lot of “together time” and as usual, it was great, we were consistently amused by one another. Except this one time. We were coming back from…somewhere…and we thought it would be fun to sketch one another. Only rule was that you couldn’t erase. D’s pic actually looked like me. She’s got some skills. Mine of her looked like a man who might be touching himself inappropriately. I couldn’t erase. I finally stopped drawing to stop the bleeding, but couldn’t stop laughing. Every time I looked, it made me laugh harder. Her reaction wasn’t the same. She seemed a bit insulted. “Is this how you see me?” I can be booked for children’s parties. More fun than a clown!
I saw Everest on a clear day. Well not really. It was the Matterhorn, but I couldn’t stop calling it Everest. Took an early morning train (4:45) to Zermott, which is an unbelievable town in the middle of Suisse. It only has miniature electric cars, horse drawn carriages, and lots of beautiful mountains. We toured around the town, including a stop in the climbers cemetery which is in the heart of town. People from all over the world, including some men that were only 17. Fact for those inclined to become mountaineers. My quick study noted that most people die on the way down. So don’t go thinking that’s the easy part. We took a series of three trams to the top which didn’t have snow, but it did have a great view of Everest and a fun teeter totter. We also ate roassti, which is a potato based dish, with cheese, sausage, and all good things. Kick ass. And the restaurant, Ya, they have lots of alcohol. Then we walked all the way down. And now you know that is the most dangerous part!
People in Geneva have NO IDEA WHAT WAKEBOARDING IS. Sure, they go out on boards on water, behind boats, but the lake is nothing but rough. “Wakeboarding” was like being in one of those old work out machines that puts a belt around your waist and shakes and jiggles your action.
Nothing small at Petite Palace. Our wild club night…G-Money missed the fun, but let me tell you--D & I did not. We went with a group of her friends…en route, we actually saw a stunningly attractive young guy driving a white Lamborghini. (Apparently it is a well-known and summer regular happening that Saudi princes fly in planes of their entourage and their cars.) Going into the place, we moved toward what we thought was the bar, but in actuality was a couple doing a sexy show where the big finish was oral sex. She was totally naked, he in a speedo. Then they finished up, we had some drinks, and they did the show again in an hour. This time on top of an American flag, so I gotta think that was a shout out.
Boys can be tricky. In Amsterdam, I found myself getting seduced by what I thought was a gay man (who was on vacation with his boyfriend). I thought I’d finally made a gay friend. I think I’m not metrosexual enough for the average gay fellow. But after seeing women with gay friends on Sex in the City, I wanted one. So when they were super friendly, bought us drinks and wanted to hang out, we were all for it. Then it began to dawn on us, that they were really coming on to us, and would love to be the bread in a D&K sandwich. So I guess in retrospect they were either tricky hetero guys, or bisexuals. Which just seems greedy. One or the other. Both? Really?
Amsterdam has the most memorable tour guides. Mike’s Bike Tour rocked. Diego the boat guy—loved him. Drunken whore tour guide. Not so good. But at least I saw where she may or may not have had sex with Quentin Tarantino while he was strung out on heroin writing Pulp Fiction. Which explains why that movie is so damn dark. And her boyfriend…kind of like a dirtier old man version of Dharma’s dad from that TV show a few years back.

So that’s some of what I could think of…times were great with G&D. We laughed, we ate, we drank, and we emailed. Many good times and memories. I always thought G and I would have been good roommates. I think he knows it now too. So many thanks to them, my loyal email correspondents, and all the cool peeps we met.

Where I've Been, What We've Been Doing

So although G$ thinks that I am obcessed with computers, I somehow I haven't been good about updating me blog...oops. Here is a quick catch-up...

I'm sure you're wondering, K, how is your hair looking? ...with the humidity, I'm giving Shirley Temple a run for her $. Total corkscrew curls all day long. It looks kinda cute, and since it is so curly, it is suddenly chin length, so it's mostly off my neck.

Incidentally, the backpack I'm using is Ace's from 1995. It was built for unusually tall people and has an aluminum frame that I think are way out of use. People are stunned by the size, and apparently kind of angry when I knock them with the frame while walking down aisles on the train. (I didn't notice because it is so big--D only told me yesterday. Oops!)

We got to Nice around 10AM, and decided we'd spend the day at the beach because it was crazy hot. So we went to a private beach and got the cute, comfy chair and umbrella, and I was instantly in the water. The temp was fantastic, and it is so salty, you barely have to move to stay afloat. I was in a few minutes and heading back to shore when this enormous pain hit my shoulder. Total searing pain. I think I kinda screamed, and the tears started because the pain was just crazy. Turns out I was stung by a jelly fish...never happened to me before. And that was the end of my swimming yesterday in the Med. I guess because of the water temp being so high, a lot of them were close to shore. Which was unfortunate to learn after the fact. But the day only got better from there--it would have to right? :) (Although I had to give D some crap because she heard me scream and didn't come running. What the hell is that?) The rest of the day I hid under the umbrella (if you expose the sting to sun, it will leave a scar. Too bad almost all of my shirts are tank tops).

Other than that...all has been well, relaxing and fun. Went to a Matisse museum in Nice. Perfect size--the entire museum was the size of a large house. AND it had an air-conditioned theater on the bottom floor, so while d went shopping, I took a nap. the movie they were showing was in French, so it wasn't as gripping as you'd imagine. It was kind of like watching Bob Ross (the Happy Trees painter)--spells nighty-night for me. My commentary on Matisse--his busts of his wife's face consisted of a series of four. The first was flattering, and each subsequent one was less and less until she started to look like an ogre. I wouldn't be too happy with my husband...I hope she made him pay for that. But then again, I remember the drawings i did of my friends and family. Not the most flattering portraits...but I did make myself look like an east-Indian Time Life Alien, so maybe it wasn't malicious.

Later that afternoon, I went to Monaco, while D stayed in Nice. Lemme tell you...you haven't seen or met wealthy people til you've been there. We all have friends that "have money", but no one we know has this kind of money. Which is too bad, because I really want to go for a ride on one of those boats. Five stories tall, all attractive and male crews. Ski and sail boats along side so you don't get bored. The cars driving around are Bentleys, Rolls Royces, Lamborghinis...and oodles of them. The Monte Carlo casino charges you to just get in to play, so I decided to instead drive a Ferrari around the F1 racetrack that circulates Monaco. But there was a bit of a wait, and my time had been shorter in town than planned because I got off the bus about 3 km downhill from where I should have. (Never so good with directions...) So I didn't get to do either. But I did make it back to Nice, and for me that's quite an accomplishment!

We went to this other city in France that is about 40km from Geneva on Monday. Crazy beautiful. I think the name of the town was Anesse. Huge lake and quaint town with huge mountains rising up next to it. It is close to Albertville (they had the winter olympics there a few years ago). The lake was so clear it looked like the Caribbean. I've never seen a lake like that. Amazing. We spent a good portion of our day walking, then floating on a boat, swimming and just enjoying. Love it!

We're heading out soon...more later!

A Moment in the Life of a Single Female

So after the houseboat, the Drake sat me down and insisted that I get on Match.com in order to meet some quality men. He had had some luck, and figured it would be great for me.

Of course, I joined about 10 days before leaving on this trip. I've exchanged some emails (including some with one cool guy in particular), but had to share the profile of one of my admirers. I don't want this to sound like I'm mocking him, because I could be struck by lightening. (It'll make sense in a few). This works best when read out loud by Obus. If he's not there, just imagine him doing it. (And if you know anyone within a 2000 mile range of Fullerton CA who'd be a good match, I can play match maker! Photos available upon request...)

About me and what I'm looking for
One thing that you should know first off is that I am seeking a wise lady who
(1) fears her creator, you don't need to love and adore the creator however. (2) is spiritually minded, you know that there are laws of liffe which are absolute and eternal truths and you know that the creator has some requirements concerning his/her being lord and master EVEN THOUGH you might hate and loath him / her or be disgusted with the creator, why ever or what ever the cause but who wisely is none the less god fearing at least so much as it is necessary.
(3) is honest and just , not lying and evil.
(4) is generous, meaning that you must be a giver and not a mere taker.
(5) keeps the creator's commandments, such as the 10 commandments etc.

My spiritual cravings are my first ambitions in life due to fact that it is the spirit which gives life, even eternal life. To be of interest to me, you must have as you # 1 ambition in life, ever-lasting life.

If we would choose life so that we could live and if we would choose 'to be' rather than choosing that we would 'not be', we must know what 'life' is and what it means 'to be'. So then the questions which we must answer are, 1) What is life so that we would choose it and 2) who is our creator / life giver so that we would love him / her and 3) What are his / her laws so that we would do according to his / her laws and who or what is the creator so that we would 'stick to' or be loyal to him / her.
If you are curious as to what works for me. Then well, what works for me is that if The creator keeps all of his / her promises which he / she gave me. That is if the creator / "I AM" does indeed do as he / she told Moses, that he / she "shall prove to be what he shall prove to be." and in so doing proving himself / herself to be my life and the length of my days. We all do need the being in touch with our life giver who is the source of our living power.

my religion
I keep the torah But I do not follow any of the organized religions because their leaderships are under satan's control

I am a man who accepts what is, is! But it seems as if the whole wide world does not know what is, is.

Bikes, Boobs, Boats and Birds

I'm here at G&D's. So the airline lost my bag with all the clothes...the salsa, pistachios, got here though...etc. Gary took me shopping...first thing we went to was lady's lingerie. We were laughing because in the past the only shopping we've done together has been HB related. And now we're buying panties. Funny...

Yesterday G-Money and I took the bikes for a ride around Lake Geneva. Big, blue, clear and good conditions for skiing in the middle of the lake. (for those non-boaters out there, that is freakin rare in the middle of a lake). We went to the fountain that shoots water something like 500' in the air and got a nice shower, which was very welcome due to the humidity and heat. G, ever the tour guide pointed out that near this fountain is where the first bird flu ridden bird was found. Yeah!

Our ride proceeded along the banks of the lake, and then we stumbled across a couple of topless beaches. G somehow didn't notice the boobs hanging out--so European all of a sudden! The same standard that I've seen in the states held true--the people who tend to nude it up are rarely the ones you want to see doing it. Later in our ride we went off-roading and G spotted (though I missed it) some older naked men hanging out--literally.

We rode for a few hours, then took a paddleboat back. The boat was beautiful, and you could see the machinery (pistons) like they showed in the movie Titanic in the middle of the boat. Had lunch, and both took a nap for about 3 hours. This is my kind of vacation!

Going around with G is funny because he doesn't know ANY French. Apparently it took him several visits to the store to locate milk (in a box that looks like soap, and it is not refrigerated). I know nada en francais, so we make quite the pair. I keep wanting to answer questions in Spanish...or say in Spanish, I don't speak French. but we don't know how to say that. So I just do the nod, empty smile on my face...

We're off in a few to pick up Debbie and my bag that was located! So no more shopping trips for G and I...Second floor: hardware, childrens wear, lady's lingerie. Oh, good morning...

An Auspicous Start

Many years ago, Pong and I took the ski boat off the HB to scout for a new docking situation. In the midst of oursearching, we stoppedto take a dip and shoot the breeze. While we were talking, a tree fell in the forest near us. And we heard it...thus answering a long standing question.

I think I answered another one today. If a woman knows no one and something bad happens and no one is there to hear her cry, will she? The answer is no. I am presently sans any clothes for my trip. I've been assured this happens all the time, and they are willing to give me £12.50 for my trouble. Wow...considering this internet session is costing me 3, I don't have much left.

Thankfully, I don't feel like crying...I just feel like changing. I did meet an interesting person on her way to Sierra Leon(sp? I should know how to spell that) where she is going to work in an orphanage for a couple years. She lost 4 bags, so I guess I'm lucky. Plus I'm not going to a war torn region. Which is nice...

Leavin, on a Jet Plane

I am happy to report that my seating for my flights to England all have me in a window seat. I am not happy to report however that my layover in England is not the 2 hours I had thought--it's 3.5 hours. FMA. AND apparently you can only check one bag on Easy Jet...I have one backpack and a suitcase with gifts (and other of my things...) and my carry-on. I tried to see how much they charge for these things, but couldn't find the info. I'm hoping it won't be that much, because that would stink.

On the happy side of things, my cat is siting at my feet snoring. So at least one of us isn't bothered. I'm going to try to stay up most of the night, and then hit the beach in the morning so I can expend as much energy as possible and be totally exhausted when I get on the plane. Sound ambitious for the likes of me? I know...I think the odds are around 20% that I'll make it to the beach. Looks to be about 97% that'll be up til at least 4. Why? Cuz that's how I roll, kids.

Speaking of rolling (my eyes)...a friend advised me that when packing for this trip, I should basically just pack for 3 days. I think this is crazy talk. I'm bringing 4 pairs of shoes for crying out loud. And i just bought nine new shirts today. Is that a bit much? Along with everything else? I'm going to have to rethink this. Good thing I've got time!

That's Really Something...

Ever since the Lids parents' anniversary party last year, I've been thinking about picking up guitar, and in the days following the houseboat, and after speaking to Mr. Windows, I went ahead and did it. I got me an acoustic Fender guitar and along with it, an even more irritated upstairs neighbor. Yeah...Anyway, I also was pointed in the direction of a guitar teacher. Great guy, and all was well and normal til today.

It is blazing hot down here in SJ and as I sit down and we start tuning me up, we're chatting and he mentions that he's been working out more and he needs to do it early because it is so hot. He says he wants to take some weight off, and get hard or something. He's in good shape from what I can tell, so I made some innocous "you look fine to me" kind of thing. Then he mentions that he used to be a Chippendale. And he was a member of Male Express. "Would you like to see some pictures?" So of course I say sure...

He goes to his computer and pulls up his web site. (I'll tell those of you via email the site if you are wanting a peek--or a guitar teacher). The normal body building pics--and then...the Playgirl pics come up. And he just goes through them. This is the cover shot--artfully naked, thong shots, artfully naked surfboard shot, and then and the CENTERFOLD. Full frontal on the beach. My response..."that's really something." And he goes on to tell me how one of the guys in a shot next to him had the longest shlong he'd ever seen and he only had a size 7 shoe.

So my lesson hasn't yet started, and I've already seen the man naked. Normally this is how my dates start...ba dum bump! (I'm here all week! Don't forget to tip the wait staff!)

As I was leaving, all I could think was that this kind of thing never happens to Mingle. But then again, she did take me to my first party that had a naked man on stage. Of course, we didn't know that was going to happen. I guess it makes me wonder if I wasn't there, would it have happened. Am I the common denominator? I love pondering the big questions in life. And I do mean BIG!

Calzone!

This weekend was completely action-packed--not that kind of action OB...but it could have been. Damn that sense of propriety that pops up on occasion!

Friday night I went with the Plants to Hotel des Artes (a boutique) hotel in SF to celebrate Bastille Day. The hotel has different artists paint murals in each room, and the hotel was decorated with different paintings and photographs up for auction. And there was an open bar, so you know the vibe was good. Met some cool people and then we headed out to North Beach and hit Calzones for dinner...then on to the Supper Club. Interesting place. Surrounding the dance floor and bar was a bed--that encircled the entire place. Fantastic! Now there's a place for some action, let me tell you!

Went back to the Plants' at closing time where we stayed up til 5:30 and I wondered if I'd ever be able to sleee...p. Which I quickly did til Lids called me to get my ass up. Followed moments later by Jameson wanting "a hamburger, no a cheeseburger, no a hot dog, no I want a chili dog." He got nothing and liked it. Well nothing til we stopped at the gas station and hit up the taqueria inside. While I was suspect of how good this could be, this didn't stop me from inhaling a beef tostada at 10:30AM. (Which was a good move because the calzone I had for dinner could have been made in a 7-11.) Full day out on the boat--didn't leave until 7:30! Didn't roll back into SF til 10:30, at which point the party in the club (thanks Fifty) Wasn't. Going. To. Happen.

My friend Walker was in a wedding this weekend and had quite a few stories to tell over dinner/drinks tonight. A model from NY who hangs with Puffy was also in the wedding and literally had bling coming out of his hoo-ha. During the posed photos, he was crossing his arms and holding up his index and middle finger in a sign that apparently means peace and prosperity, but looked a lot like gang signs to the bride. Now that's a memory for your wedding album...

I'm watching the 40 Year Old Virgin (waxing scene) right now. Funny. Shit.

Leaving for Europa Europa on Thursday. All my bitches better call to say good-bye!

You Can All Go FMA

The thing I like best about the houseboat are the little funnies that seem to happen that people can razz you about for years to come. I'd say this year's trip lived up to the usual standard, and may have even surpassed it. Those of you with a history--Ping/Pong, etc. can weigh in with your verdict.

Here are the 22 things that I learned on this year's trip. Names have been changed because I prefer nicknames:
1. One case of beer and a 1.75 of hard alcohol is not enough for my group of friends. Why do we drink that much? Because we "CAN CAN CAN!"
2. Butterflies seem to hatch the last week of June in Trinity County.
3. Men do not seem to think that "All Play" in Pictionary means that you can look at what the other team is drawing. (Can we get a vote on this?)
4. I will NOT be practicing back dives by myself at any point. Apparently when I got the courage to kinda go in backwards, I almost knocked myself silly on the platform. That would have been sad. Or been a very funny video on Lid's high def tv for others to watch on July 4th.
5. If you make funny faces in pictures, the pictures do in fact turn out funny. Same with doing stupid things--damn those modern cameras with their video capability.
6. My tongue does in fact stick out a great deal when I'm thinking. And by a great deal I mean a good few inches. This is not attractive and should be avoided at all costs.
7. The Drake has a sweet tooth and so does his Sweetie. And Sweetie likes GHOST and SayGo. If I didn't like her before, you know she's in now!
8. The next time Mr. Mingle goes hiking, he needs to bring a walkie talkie in the event he is mauled by the bear...he saw out there.
9. 7 out of 9 HBers prefer the term RiDick as opposed to RiCockulous. I'm more of a cock fan.
10. If you need a writing utensil, DON'T say, "hey, when you find the mechanical pencil, can you stick it somewhere I can find it?"
11. I may use the words "action" and "stuff" a bit too much. Maybe...
12. Guitars are a good addition to any sunset. So are people who let me sing sans comments.
13. People who snore should carry earplugs with them as a courtesy to others.
14. I need to sleep next to OB because no one else seems to hear him speak at night. Where are the ramrod/Japanese boyfriend/simple swim dreams of years past?
15. There is definitely a fear/pain gene that I have that Jameson does not.
16. Rica Suave can not be the light sleeper she always claims to be...sleeping through a rain storm??
17. Afternoon boating trips with a cooler of beer and even cooler people kick ass. (god, that was practically a sweet thing to say!)
18. Mrs. Mingle can swim further underwater/without breathing than the other chicas on the boat. Please note the wording of the contest was understood by contestants if not by observers.
19. Swiss Miss is like a retriever with a ball when it comes to boarding.
20. B has apparently given up on both backgammon and hearts. Hey, he knows when to say when!
21. Jameson can jump over boats, railings, chairs, people in chairs and people standing on docks. This does not mean it won't make you scream however. But it doesn't bother/distract him anyway--trust me.
22. Apparently when shopping, I INSISTED (with a high-pitched voice while flailing my hands in the air) on getting a case of Diet Pepsi.

So those are the things I can think of. You guys are my favorite people because whether you let me use your action or we can just hang out and do stuff, it's always a good time. Now, how many girls can say that? Ah, go FMA, I'm getting sentimental...

I've Been Served

So I got the subpoena at work today. For those of you interested, it apparently looks just like the subpoena you get when you're getting divorced...so said one witness to mys being served. It was for a car accident I was in four years ago. I was sitting in a parked car and this chick hit me. I think she is saying this wasn't her fault. I am interested to see how that can POSSIBLY be. Generally I am up for litstening and can see both sides, but not at all in this case.

Oh, and a loyal reader and fellow blogger gave me the heads up that my before and after blog of the long hair was mean-spirited. The only reason I put it was to share my surprise at seeing the copious amounts of hair that greeted me at the door. Otherwise people might ahve thought it was long hair a la the Kid. I'm not sure if I have a reputation as someone who tells tall tales, so I thought that would clarify things.

Anyone know where I could get a porn movie to rent? I don't want to buy one, but our bachelorette wants one night of quiet in watching a movie. so you know someone has to bring a nudie pic. I don't think there is one I'd buy--other than a movie star one. But they all seem to be banned...damn it all!

Well, nighty-night. I'm pooped. All work and no naps makes CR Chica a dull girl.

Looking for Something Fun to Do?

No word yet on my subpoena...I am kinda dying to know what the story is...Big plans this weekend. In addition to the usual, I am hoping to go to some sex shops on Sunday (the Sabbath!) to buy paraphenalia for a bachelorette party. That reminds me...

I went to one in Tahoe last year with the Swiss Miss for Mingle's bachelorette party and we were looking for the Paris Hilton sex video (One Night in Paris--heard of it? I think that is a great name...) but the store didn't carry it. The lady suggested we get a gang bang video, because, "gang bangs are fun!" She handed me the tape and I turned it over, thinking I could read the back (like a normal video). Well, there were no words, just more and more pics of some pretty unattractive (but quite hairy) men banging the hell out of these chicks who looked pretty spent already. The moral of the story is that I sholdn't be looking for a story line or plot when choosing a gang bang video. (We didn't take the tape...so no, you can't borrow it! :)

So that reminded me of funny porn titles, and in case you need a laugh--here are some that gave me one. I know they're gross, but gross is funny. Don't say I never do things for you people...enjoy!

Shaving Ryan's Privates
Batman in Robin
Edward Penishands
Gangbangs of New York
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
Sick Degrees of Penetration
Legally Boned
Throbin Hood (Prince of Beaves)
When Harry Ate Sally
Romancing The Bone
White Men Can't Hump
American Booty
Blown in 60 Seconds
Buffy The Vampire Layer
Buttman and Throbbin'
Rambone
Sperms of Enderarment
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA
WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY

I've Never Been with a Prostitute Sober. You?

Well, I don't like to brag, but I have got a guy who is hot to see me...all in pursuit of a date on June 7th. He's a lawyer...sounds good, huh? Oh, did I mention he is trying to serve me a subpoena? See, it's all in how you spin things. HNow, do any of you know ANYONE else that has been served a subpoena? Am I really this special? I hope this means that I will be the only person that any of you know that ends up winning the lottery.

How cool a gift is this by the way...a friend bought her husband a 15 minute flight in a fighter jet. Is that the coolest thing ever or what? It cost $250, and apparently do to loop-de-loops, it costs a bit more. If anyone is interested in the info, I can forward it to you.

Oh! I am becoming quite the artsy-kinda teacher. I did a watercolor painting project today on fish...and tonight I am going to figure a simple dance that the kids can do to the Chicken song. I have to figure a second song. Only 29 days left of school. This is counting the field trip, the field olympics, graduation day and the day in the park. AND my day in court!

If you haven't read the Denise Richards deposition on The Smoking Gun, check it out. Unbelievable stuff. I like how she said that she knew that he had been an alcohol and drug addict and had been with hookers, but was assured by Charlie that he had never been with a hooker sober. Gee, well that is a great point. I'm adding that to my screening criteria.

You want pics...

Ok--remember the set-up date with the LONG hair? I don't know if you thought I was exagerating the fugly factor...judge for yourself. I was looking at stuff online tonight and he instant messaged me. Within the first few moments of saying hello, he mentioned that he got his hair cut and he sent me the pics instantly. At least he donated the hair to Locks for Love...

Just so you people don't think I was blowing smoke...

http://secure-voting-technology-5.trimediavideo.com/MyPics/BeforeAndAfter.html

Best Break-Up Lines

A teacher I know was commiserating today about the guy that dumped her via email this morning...clearly--asshole material, but in the spirit of Bill and Ted's, I suggest that she quote him some lyrics that correctly sum up her feelings on the subject. Considering my knowledge of lyrics relies heavily on humming through key portions, we went to the web. Here are some that we thought fit her sitch. (Up there with naming your dog after your ex and putting the name "Fuckface" on the doghouse...):

Erykah Badu--"Tyrone"
"I think you'd better call Tyrone/ And tell him come on help you get your shit/ You need to call Tyrone Hold on/ But you can't use my phone."

Fiona Apple --"Limp"
"It won't be long till you'll be/ Lying limp in your own hand."

Bob Dylan --"Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"
"I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind/ You could have done better but I don't mind/ You just kinda wasted my precious time."

I personally think the Dylan one is the most on target, but she's kinda pissed, so Fiona was more her speed. I left off Alanis because, well, even I know those lyrics. On the happier side of things, clearly she is better off. He had plenty of baggage and she had none, so that wasn't a fair trade. And he didn't even have a lot of money (which helps to even the scale--or so I've heard...).

I've always enjoyed quotes, but I've never looked them up in this topic. There's quite a bit of angry music out there folks. I wonder if any of these songs will be on American Idol. Probably right after they play, "Why Don't we Get Drunk, And Screw?"

My Last Week Off

So this is sadly the last day of my spring break. Then I have 37 working days until summer vacation. Only Memorial Day weekend...I know, cry me a river...

So Hawaii was every bit as relaxing as I hoped. The only let down was the lack of sighting people from Lost. This was made up for by the wealth of attractive people who live there. I learned a fair amount during my travels:

When visiting Pearl Harbor, get there by 7:15am. We got there at 9 and didn't get in until the 1:00 show. This is a lot of time to read stuff. AND we had quite a lovely lunch in the parking lot.

The first POW was captured by the US after the Pearl Harbor attack. He was the midget submarine captain ______. I don't remember his name, but I remember thinking it was odd that they pointed out he was a midget. Because they didn't say the paraplegic American president FDR. Then Manoa pointed out that midget subs were part of the attack and it is a sub style. Oh.

Did you know you can buy cancer insurance? Apparnetly it only costs $25 a year, and when you are diagnosed, you get like $50K to spend however you want. Isn't that great?? Manoa has some, and I told her I hoped she got cancer and not Hodgkins or something else that wouldn't result in a pay-off. So if she ends up with bad news, at least we know it's not ALL bad! (Am I terribly morbid?)

I think I've outgrown my screaming-at-inappropriate-times-phase. I walked into the living room and almost hit Chip the other morning, and I didn't scream in his face. (I think this will please ER and DS who always seemed to take it very personally when I would scream around them.)

Mormons can find me everywhere. I sat next to a very nice one on the plane ride back. He was cute--but short. 5'5". He was stunned when I stood up.

When strange men ask if you want to make a $100, say yes. I earned some quick and kinda painless cash. So I talked to this guy and it was for time share presos. 1.5 hours of high pressure sales, lunch and then you get your cash. The whole thing was kind of funny, and I had to lie (which the marketing guy told me to do) to say I made enough money to go. The sales lady was not very good at all, and if I was in the market for a place, I can't say I'd buy from her. I think she learned real estate sales off of a home video.

Apparently I naturally arch my back and stick out the tatas when waving at passing helicopters holding military folk. Katie pointed this out to her great amusement one day. But can you blame me?

It is impossible to straighten my hair on a tropical island.

Katie wears jeans to work and skirts to the beach. Love the island culture.

And in the interet of continuing the island experience...going to Jimmy Buffet on Tuesday! Salt! Salt!

Yeah...yah?

Hawaii--in a word--great. Sun, games, drinks, naps, good-looking men with great tans. Why am I leaving? Now I really get why Manoa went to the trouble to ship her car here.

What a relaxing time I've had. We've laughed, she's cried, and I've been throughly impressed with the bodies of her roommates. Reminds me of Andre in CR, but they speak English all the time and have blonde hair.

Our time has consisted of going to various beaches around the island, drinking on those beaches and playing games (I got a bingo in scrabble spelling "flinger"--one who flings!) til literally the sun goes down and the sand is being whipped at us by the trade winds. We went to this incredible beach that was in From Here to Eternity. Stunning. Small spit of sand on the south side of the island with waves crashing in a like mad and turtles somehow fighting their way in and out. (Granted, I was looking for some eggs to eat!) We went out and did our best to keep our tops on, which was tricky because the waves would spin you around pummel you forward. But then again, I'm not above flashing a bit. Give someone a little thrill I say.

Manoa is unfortuntately a bit under the weather, but she is rallying valiently in an effort to keep me entertained. What a woman. Who by the way has picked up the Hawaii saying of making a statement and saying "yeah?" after it. But is's kinda more like "Ya?" almost European. It's cute, and you can spot the locals by their usage of this. Like the native LA folk who say, "take THE 101 to THE 380."

We are headed back to the north shore today to eat at some place that had such amazing food the first time Manoa went, that she has been afraid to go back out of fear it won't be as good. (I'm serious!) And then we're hoping to beach it a bit and run into someone from Lost who doesn't weigh 400 pounds. (That's the only person from the show that she's seen). She just told me that she thinks he only weighs 250. I don't think she could get a job at Carnival guessing people's weights. Maybe their birthdays.

Oh, and kids--my hair is a struggle. I have started wearing it in a Princess Leia fashion which I think is cute. No one else has said that, but I think they are just jealous they didn't think of it first. The curls will not be contained!!

Have a great day you fine people!

iPod Abbreviated Results

These are the songs I use for working out and more UP kind of things. So it is not a true rep of my iPod--but I was curious to see how it turned out. Kinda like checking the 8 Ball...

How does the world see you?
Push it –Salt and Peppa

Will I have a happy life?
Be Our Guest—Beauty and the Beast

What do my friends really think of me?
Life’s a Show—Buffy the Vampire slayer—the musical (Seriously)


Do people secretly lust after me?
Lithium—Nirvana


How can I make myself happy?
California Dreamin—Mamas and the Papas


What should I do with my life?
Friends in Low Places—Garth Brooks

Will I ever have children?
Another One Bites the Dust—Queen

What is some good advice for me?
U Can’t Touch This—MC Hammer

How will I be remembered?
Its Ur Birthday—50 Cent

What is my signature dancing song?
Crazy Little Thing Called Love--Queen

What do I think my current theme song is?
When You Believe—Whitney and Mariah

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Satellite—Astro Lounge

What song will play at my funeral?
Crazy--Aerosmith

What type of men do you like?
Crying--Aerosmith

What is my day going to be like?
Give me One Reason—Tracy Chapman

Leaving on a Jet Plane

In a scant 24 hours, I will be in Hawaii, and it really couldn't come soon enough for me. Except for the fact that I am presently watching Lost, it is 9:45 and I haven't packed a thing. I did go shopping tonight to hopefully impress the locals with my lily white skin and uniquely spirited hair that refuses to be tamed.

Unfortunately, my voice is gone AGAIN which is frustrating because,well, I like to talk Plus I love to meet people on planes, and I feel like I'll be the sick person no one wants to sit next to. I'm going to load up on pills to mask my condition, so hopefully no one will be the wiser.

I will not be attending Easter this year, which is a bummer because it is one of my favorite holidays with my fav people. Alas, my contribution is typically to incite an arguement with the Hansen elders, so I'll leave it to the Kid to bring up the rights of immigrants. Of course, the Kid probably agrees with their position (which is shocking as a UCSC grad), so maybe someone else will step up with my dissenting opinion.

I think I'm going to do the iPod thingy now, so a second post is forthcoming. THEN I'll pack. Promise!

Ass, Grass, or Cash--no one rides for free

I recently heard the title of this blog, and I have to say that circle gets that square. As in--hits the nail on the head. If you're riding along, you need to throw down a little somethin' somethin if you expect anything from this kid. That is just a personal gripe that needed to be vented, and I'll move on...

Lately I've been down and out and oddly emotional for a girl whose mother says she has a heart of stone. (What kind of mother would say that? The same kind that gets called "Butterface" by her daughter...) Work has just been an ass kicker--lemme give you the dealio mi amigos:

Our secretary (who just started in October and was pretty harassed by some of the staff) up and quit on Friday;
The district just announced that effective August 2007 as part of a whole district shake-up, our school will switch from k-3 to k-5;
A kid overheard a 2nd grader saying he would shoot his teacher with a bb gun. The kid was suspended, and although the teacher asked, the principal and district thought he should stay in the same class. So when he returned to school yesterday, the teacher called the police because she felt unsafe and the kid (who is SEVEN) was arrested and now has a juvie record.

But on the happy side of things:
I got to teach the chicken dance and the hokey pokey.
Going to Hawaii one week from today. Loving that. Manoa Missy kicks ass!
It's almost my birthday!
My friend out of the blue told me in a public place that I have nice legs. That was really nice. Glad I shaved!
I just started a laugh out loud funny book. Me Talk Pretty One Day. G-reat. Thanks Mingle!
I found the answer to a pressing question in Cosmo. It was a moment like when I first read that book He's just not that into you. you know, when men don't call, it's generally because they don't want to talk to you. If you call and ask, that will be pretty much what you get out of the conversation. So I saved myself that trouble. Woo hoo!

I suppose this karmatic (word?) payback for my barley pop friend, damn. Why is my life so even steven? I'm so Jerry Seinfeld. I think I'll throw a 20 out the window and see if I can create some luck.

Another thing is becoming a bit chillingly apparent. I am beginning to think (based on the people that I seem to be attracting lately), that there seems to be no way to avoid a relationship with a divorcee/father. (This is not a fun thought). This is of course if the relationship with the single, short person who works outside doesn't come to fruition.

So I'm thinking I need to get a little Demi Moore and forget the peeps in their 30s. Because they're just going to be 40 soon. Which is surprisingly followed by 50. And who wants to date someone 50?

Want Me to Drive Your Car?

Ok, so most of my loyal readers are more outspoken than I in awkward social situations--so I'm turning to you for your advice. This weekend, a friend of a friend said the following comments to me in a loud voice in front of multiple people. (All in the guise of "kidding"). I should preface this by saying I had just gotten my hair done and it looked pretty great. Here you go:

* "K, your hair does look great. I want to have sex with your hair. And I'm not talking about the hair on your head!"
* "K, you are the first girl I've let drive my car whose pussy I haven't eaten. This is not to say that I wouldn't. Do you want me to? Because I would totally eat your pussy."

This is just a taste test--the ones I remember. So here is the question. Given that this is a dear friend of a friend, and they were there the whole time, I was both shocked and stunned that this was said in the company or said at all. How would you people have handled it. I thought that anything I said would come out really malicious and mean--lots of material to rip this guy a new one--and I knew he'd say, "I'm just kidding".

Just so you all are aware of what you need to do to get me to be the DD in your car next time we go out...

On a side note--watching the West Wing. Stopped wawtcihng a few years ago. Josh and Donna finally kissed. I love it when longtime crushes hook up. Yeah!

Cuteguy35--I don't think so!

So I had a blind date of sorts that was arranged by my friend Craig on Monday. Met up with Mr. Cuteguy35 (we had exchanged some emails prior to meeting). Now I was told he was 6' with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he was Norweigan. I was picturing someone like Meggie's friend Annette's husband who is the best looking man I've ever seen in real life. Plus, he deemed himself cute--so I was reasonably confident.

Well, I walked into the bar, and THERE HE WAS. All I could see was his hair. Long (middle of his back), greasy and at the same time frizzy. Parted in the middle. Yimminey. Yamminey. Yuck. Never been a fan of the long hair (or long toes). Well, we have a beer, it was boring, he was a software engineer, and carries no love for ford Auto company. OK...Of course I took a break to call and curse craig from the bathroom. Had to be done.

So for future reference. I don't like long hairs! Or long hairs coming out of noses. I saw that recently and if I didn't like the person, I would have told him to clip that action. Considering he is married, I figured that was her problem to live with anyway. Wives, no one wants to see your man's nose hair. It isn't cute. Give me a hairy back before a hairy nose!

Does God Hate Me to Play on Saturdays?

I don't know if I'm entirely responsible for how God plans the weather, but I would just like to point out that prior to the month of Feb. (when I wrote my paper) there was only one Saturday since Thanksgiving that didn't rain. (And on that day, I was REALLY hung-over.)Saturday is when I LOVE playing v-ball in the park. Now that I'm done, another huge storm comes to town. That beautiful weather better return soon!

So, hats off to all you nursing/medical-type/have kids people. My total gross out moment of the day...E. is a girl in my class--sticks just about everything in her mouth. They were measuring today with cubes and I went over to work with her, and she pulls a cube out of her mouth complete with a long drab of spit dangling off of it. I don't know why this totally turns my stomach. I think its the knowledge that when I get sick, it's those damn snotty kids! If I can't handle spit, those other bodily juices just wouldn't be something I could deal with on a daily basis.

But I digress...here is my List of Top Fours...You should note that the next to last Project Runway is on this evening. If you missed it, Bravo is kind enough to re-run it on a practical loop. Heidi Klum is just pretty beyond words. Seal must have one hell of a personality.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Newpaper delivery GIRL (not a boy as I was tragically mistaken for once when I was 10 and chose to wear a hat.)
2. Video store clerk. Best job in high school. Give free movies to your friends...watch movies at work...learn about sex from the slutty other clerks...(and get busted when they ask if you think they're sluts and you say yes. that's before I learned that people don't always want to hear what you really think. She told our boss what I said. I just felt I was being honest.)
3. International woman of mystery. ok, I was really just a marketing kinda girl, but since we never sold anything, I really think I fought more crime...especially on our trip to Hawaii.
4. Teacher.

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Shawshank Redemption (thanks TBS!)
2. Goodfellas
3. The Untouchables
4. St. Elmo's Fire. (What life after college was expected to be...)

Four places I have lived:
1. Daly City
2. San Bruno
3. Davis
4. San Jose

Four T.V. shows I love:
1. Project Runway
2. Prison Break
3. The Amazing Race
4. Law & Order, Original and SVU on re-runs.

Four places I have vacationed:
1. Costa Rica
2. Italy
3. England
4. Russian River. Not in Russia--in Sonoma.

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Turkey dinner with the fixings (mashed, stuffing, etc.) from Thanksgiving.
2. Townsend pizza
3. Spaghetti with sausage
4. A really good sandwich on good bread...and if you can make it a panini, all the better.

Four sites I visit daily:
1. CNN
2. The sites of you people.
3. NU.edu to check to see if my grades have been posted.
4. televisionwithoutpity.com if I have missed one of my shows. Gives witty re-caps of what I missed. Not daily, but you should check it out. Good stuff.

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. A hot beach.
2. With a hot man in a hotel on Union Square.
3. In a great dress dancing after an awesome dinner. With someone taller than me in my kickin' high heeled dance shoes.
4. In Italy. Walking outside all day, followed by a three-hour dinner with plenty of wine.

As You Wish...

So any friend of mine would have to know that saying, "as you wish" is tantamount to saying the big L. Thank goodness for the talents of Cary Elwes and the brilliant person that cast him in a mask at the pinnacle of his good looks. I always like to think of him as the blonde Rhett Butler--making him the best of all possible worlds for this kid. Seeing as I am sitting at home waiting for something exciting to happen (my neighbors are having sex and I think they might finish at any moment), I thought I would distract myself by taking the test posted on KDD's site to see which Princess Bride character you are. I was sure I'd end up being the guy who drinks the iocane powered wine. But look who I ended up as...Westley! And I'm not in the least perturbed by my "change" in gender. I did recently dream that I was a fat Eddie Murphy and the object of my affection was a really fat Tootie.

One More Thing...

So last night I walked into a bar...with my parents and some of our Riva friends and noticed three attractive guys sitting at the bar. After we sat there for a while I realized that one of them was trying to catch my eye--because of course he knew me. It was (shockingly) a v-ball friend and his roommate, who I had gone out with a few times. After dinner I ended up joining them for a drink. Roomie Guy is chatting me up something serious, buys me drinks (which always makes me like someone more) and continues drinking himself. It wasn't until he'd had 4 or five maragritas in total that he seemed to garner the gumtion/balls/etc. to ask me out. I can't decide if he is a alcoholic or just a coward. Either way, typical. Well, then again, he doesn't drive a mini-van while drinking "barley pop" so he probably is ahead of the curve. Of course when we stood up I remembered that he is shorter than I am too. *sigh*

I'm watching Romeo and Juliet (Leo's version). Good movie. Ii wish more people had fish tanks at parties. Nice way to meet someone. Also realized that Michael from Lost plays Mercutio as a drag queen. Interesting to see. He has nice legs.

And by the by, Debbie left me diet cat food that my cat has been eating quite angrily and has made him quite the grump to live with..but he seems to be losing weight! Against his better judgement. So watch and see you fine people! He'll be slim and sleek before you know it! Big bones and fluffiness be damned!

It's Hard to be Fabolous...

So when I left off--more than two months ago, I promised a tell-all of the great Hooters trip of '05. So much delayed--here you go!
The fun all started because I took the train up. The instant I sat down, this guy started talking to me, and when the train started, he said, "you don't mind do you?" and sat down next to me. On an empty train! He was nice enough, and it ended 90 minutes later when he gave me his card and told me how "you can't have enough friends" and we should go out for coffee sometime. Ok, this guy was in his 50s, easy. And thanks, but I have enough friends in their 50s. They're called my parents...

But the highlight of the weekend was Saturday and hitting Hooters. (You shouldn't actually hit hooters by the way:) Big, fun group and we hung out there for a while. The waitresses were really something. Every 10 minutes or so, they would do a different cheer and get some guys up to do it with them. The one I remember went something like "peal the apple, peal the banana, squeeze the orange." For the first part they would do a little dance move, and the squeeze part they would start hugging customers and jiggling. It was pretty funny. A lot of the guys were 19 and they were really enjoying it. Kristin and I both left with shirts, and I don't know what it is, but we took some pictures later in them, and our tits look huge! Love that! I had a discussion with K's brother that I would kill her for having with mine, and later we went with him to play poker and look at Penis performance art.
...Segaway...
This was kind of odd...I went to the dentist and had the strangest hygienist. Apparently, I need to change my lifestyle to fit in flossing, because otherwise, I can get heart disease. (Diet, exercise--for schmucks! Flossing--that's the ticket!) Then after she cleaned my bottom teeth, she said, "Well, we're three-quarters done". Um, no, I think that's half.

Christmas was good to the Foss Fam this year. I did pretty well in gift giving. The cousins loved the Atari game (30 classic games!)…and their parents did too! My parents are always very generous with clothes, books and household supplies. B, E & Z gave me a Kate Spade bag, face cleansing system (what's he trying to say?), Gone with the Wind and To Kill a Mockingbird. (He always gives great gifts). I have wanted those books because my copies are tattered, torn and have been dropped in a lake or two. A very nice xmas!!

The school year has been good and bad. Nice class, but lots of kids in and out, so that makes it tough. I do enjoy it everyday, and have only had one day that I really didn't want to go to work. I think it had something to do with the cold weather, and my desire to just stay in bed.

I have this week off, so I spent a few days playing and hanging out in the city. I discovered that I am in fact the best Donkey Kong player in SF. (You can check the score at the metreon for KVF). This is of course unless (as I am beginnning to suspect) they unplug the machines every night so that everyone can be on the high score board (however briefly).

Finishing up the thesis this week, so I will soon be the master of my domain. And yours as well. I'm hoping that this will be the thing I need to make me become a really efficient, tidy and non-late person. Or will I think, I have a Masters, those are problems for the little people? Hmmm.

Two things you should check out...the DVDs of House and Lost. Love them both. Have to say I am a big Sawyer fan on lost. i love the unethical con man who is really hot and silently tortured by his past. Even hot when he was getting tortured. I wish they'd show more of him. Kinda like Angel from the good Buffy days.

I'm off to eat lunch and then worry more over my paper. I just had a flash of brilliance--and it makes me happy that I'm at the bottom of it all, a pretty fickle person. You know how you can be really bummed about one thing, but then you realize a small thing about that thing of that person, and suddenly you realize, HA! I don't need this crap! I just had that moment. So I'm going to say fuck off Liu! I don't need you or your thoughts in my paper! That ought to take off a few hours of work! yeah!

Feeling better already! Freedom (almost!)