You Can All Go FMA

The thing I like best about the houseboat are the little funnies that seem to happen that people can razz you about for years to come. I'd say this year's trip lived up to the usual standard, and may have even surpassed it. Those of you with a history--Ping/Pong, etc. can weigh in with your verdict.

Here are the 22 things that I learned on this year's trip. Names have been changed because I prefer nicknames:
1. One case of beer and a 1.75 of hard alcohol is not enough for my group of friends. Why do we drink that much? Because we "CAN CAN CAN!"
2. Butterflies seem to hatch the last week of June in Trinity County.
3. Men do not seem to think that "All Play" in Pictionary means that you can look at what the other team is drawing. (Can we get a vote on this?)
4. I will NOT be practicing back dives by myself at any point. Apparently when I got the courage to kinda go in backwards, I almost knocked myself silly on the platform. That would have been sad. Or been a very funny video on Lid's high def tv for others to watch on July 4th.
5. If you make funny faces in pictures, the pictures do in fact turn out funny. Same with doing stupid things--damn those modern cameras with their video capability.
6. My tongue does in fact stick out a great deal when I'm thinking. And by a great deal I mean a good few inches. This is not attractive and should be avoided at all costs.
7. The Drake has a sweet tooth and so does his Sweetie. And Sweetie likes GHOST and SayGo. If I didn't like her before, you know she's in now!
8. The next time Mr. Mingle goes hiking, he needs to bring a walkie talkie in the event he is mauled by the bear...he saw out there.
9. 7 out of 9 HBers prefer the term RiDick as opposed to RiCockulous. I'm more of a cock fan.
10. If you need a writing utensil, DON'T say, "hey, when you find the mechanical pencil, can you stick it somewhere I can find it?"
11. I may use the words "action" and "stuff" a bit too much. Maybe...
12. Guitars are a good addition to any sunset. So are people who let me sing sans comments.
13. People who snore should carry earplugs with them as a courtesy to others.
14. I need to sleep next to OB because no one else seems to hear him speak at night. Where are the ramrod/Japanese boyfriend/simple swim dreams of years past?
15. There is definitely a fear/pain gene that I have that Jameson does not.
16. Rica Suave can not be the light sleeper she always claims to be...sleeping through a rain storm??
17. Afternoon boating trips with a cooler of beer and even cooler people kick ass. (god, that was practically a sweet thing to say!)
18. Mrs. Mingle can swim further underwater/without breathing than the other chicas on the boat. Please note the wording of the contest was understood by contestants if not by observers.
19. Swiss Miss is like a retriever with a ball when it comes to boarding.
20. B has apparently given up on both backgammon and hearts. Hey, he knows when to say when!
21. Jameson can jump over boats, railings, chairs, people in chairs and people standing on docks. This does not mean it won't make you scream however. But it doesn't bother/distract him anyway--trust me.
22. Apparently when shopping, I INSISTED (with a high-pitched voice while flailing my hands in the air) on getting a case of Diet Pepsi.

So those are the things I can think of. You guys are my favorite people because whether you let me use your action or we can just hang out and do stuff, it's always a good time. Now, how many girls can say that? Ah, go FMA, I'm getting sentimental...

I've Been Served

So I got the subpoena at work today. For those of you interested, it apparently looks just like the subpoena you get when you're getting divorced...so said one witness to mys being served. It was for a car accident I was in four years ago. I was sitting in a parked car and this chick hit me. I think she is saying this wasn't her fault. I am interested to see how that can POSSIBLY be. Generally I am up for litstening and can see both sides, but not at all in this case.

Oh, and a loyal reader and fellow blogger gave me the heads up that my before and after blog of the long hair was mean-spirited. The only reason I put it was to share my surprise at seeing the copious amounts of hair that greeted me at the door. Otherwise people might ahve thought it was long hair a la the Kid. I'm not sure if I have a reputation as someone who tells tall tales, so I thought that would clarify things.

Anyone know where I could get a porn movie to rent? I don't want to buy one, but our bachelorette wants one night of quiet in watching a movie. so you know someone has to bring a nudie pic. I don't think there is one I'd buy--other than a movie star one. But they all seem to be banned...damn it all!

Well, nighty-night. I'm pooped. All work and no naps makes CR Chica a dull girl.

Looking for Something Fun to Do?

No word yet on my subpoena...I am kinda dying to know what the story is...Big plans this weekend. In addition to the usual, I am hoping to go to some sex shops on Sunday (the Sabbath!) to buy paraphenalia for a bachelorette party. That reminds me...

I went to one in Tahoe last year with the Swiss Miss for Mingle's bachelorette party and we were looking for the Paris Hilton sex video (One Night in Paris--heard of it? I think that is a great name...) but the store didn't carry it. The lady suggested we get a gang bang video, because, "gang bangs are fun!" She handed me the tape and I turned it over, thinking I could read the back (like a normal video). Well, there were no words, just more and more pics of some pretty unattractive (but quite hairy) men banging the hell out of these chicks who looked pretty spent already. The moral of the story is that I sholdn't be looking for a story line or plot when choosing a gang bang video. (We didn't take the tape...so no, you can't borrow it! :)

So that reminded me of funny porn titles, and in case you need a laugh--here are some that gave me one. I know they're gross, but gross is funny. Don't say I never do things for you people...enjoy!

Shaving Ryan's Privates
Batman in Robin
Edward Penishands
Gangbangs of New York
How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
Sick Degrees of Penetration
Legally Boned
Throbin Hood (Prince of Beaves)
When Harry Ate Sally
Romancing The Bone
White Men Can't Hump
American Booty
Blown in 60 Seconds
Buffy The Vampire Layer
Buttman and Throbbin'
Rambone
Sperms of Enderarment
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA
WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY

I've Never Been with a Prostitute Sober. You?

Well, I don't like to brag, but I have got a guy who is hot to see me...all in pursuit of a date on June 7th. He's a lawyer...sounds good, huh? Oh, did I mention he is trying to serve me a subpoena? See, it's all in how you spin things. HNow, do any of you know ANYONE else that has been served a subpoena? Am I really this special? I hope this means that I will be the only person that any of you know that ends up winning the lottery.

How cool a gift is this by the way...a friend bought her husband a 15 minute flight in a fighter jet. Is that the coolest thing ever or what? It cost $250, and apparently do to loop-de-loops, it costs a bit more. If anyone is interested in the info, I can forward it to you.

Oh! I am becoming quite the artsy-kinda teacher. I did a watercolor painting project today on fish...and tonight I am going to figure a simple dance that the kids can do to the Chicken song. I have to figure a second song. Only 29 days left of school. This is counting the field trip, the field olympics, graduation day and the day in the park. AND my day in court!

If you haven't read the Denise Richards deposition on The Smoking Gun, check it out. Unbelievable stuff. I like how she said that she knew that he had been an alcohol and drug addict and had been with hookers, but was assured by Charlie that he had never been with a hooker sober. Gee, well that is a great point. I'm adding that to my screening criteria.

You want pics...

Ok--remember the set-up date with the LONG hair? I don't know if you thought I was exagerating the fugly factor...judge for yourself. I was looking at stuff online tonight and he instant messaged me. Within the first few moments of saying hello, he mentioned that he got his hair cut and he sent me the pics instantly. At least he donated the hair to Locks for Love...

Just so you people don't think I was blowing smoke...

http://secure-voting-technology-5.trimediavideo.com/MyPics/BeforeAndAfter.html

Best Break-Up Lines

A teacher I know was commiserating today about the guy that dumped her via email this morning...clearly--asshole material, but in the spirit of Bill and Ted's, I suggest that she quote him some lyrics that correctly sum up her feelings on the subject. Considering my knowledge of lyrics relies heavily on humming through key portions, we went to the web. Here are some that we thought fit her sitch. (Up there with naming your dog after your ex and putting the name "Fuckface" on the doghouse...):

Erykah Badu--"Tyrone"
"I think you'd better call Tyrone/ And tell him come on help you get your shit/ You need to call Tyrone Hold on/ But you can't use my phone."

Fiona Apple --"Limp"
"It won't be long till you'll be/ Lying limp in your own hand."

Bob Dylan --"Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"
"I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind/ You could have done better but I don't mind/ You just kinda wasted my precious time."

I personally think the Dylan one is the most on target, but she's kinda pissed, so Fiona was more her speed. I left off Alanis because, well, even I know those lyrics. On the happier side of things, clearly she is better off. He had plenty of baggage and she had none, so that wasn't a fair trade. And he didn't even have a lot of money (which helps to even the scale--or so I've heard...).

I've always enjoyed quotes, but I've never looked them up in this topic. There's quite a bit of angry music out there folks. I wonder if any of these songs will be on American Idol. Probably right after they play, "Why Don't we Get Drunk, And Screw?"

My Last Week Off

So this is sadly the last day of my spring break. Then I have 37 working days until summer vacation. Only Memorial Day weekend...I know, cry me a river...

So Hawaii was every bit as relaxing as I hoped. The only let down was the lack of sighting people from Lost. This was made up for by the wealth of attractive people who live there. I learned a fair amount during my travels:

When visiting Pearl Harbor, get there by 7:15am. We got there at 9 and didn't get in until the 1:00 show. This is a lot of time to read stuff. AND we had quite a lovely lunch in the parking lot.

The first POW was captured by the US after the Pearl Harbor attack. He was the midget submarine captain ______. I don't remember his name, but I remember thinking it was odd that they pointed out he was a midget. Because they didn't say the paraplegic American president FDR. Then Manoa pointed out that midget subs were part of the attack and it is a sub style. Oh.

Did you know you can buy cancer insurance? Apparnetly it only costs $25 a year, and when you are diagnosed, you get like $50K to spend however you want. Isn't that great?? Manoa has some, and I told her I hoped she got cancer and not Hodgkins or something else that wouldn't result in a pay-off. So if she ends up with bad news, at least we know it's not ALL bad! (Am I terribly morbid?)

I think I've outgrown my screaming-at-inappropriate-times-phase. I walked into the living room and almost hit Chip the other morning, and I didn't scream in his face. (I think this will please ER and DS who always seemed to take it very personally when I would scream around them.)

Mormons can find me everywhere. I sat next to a very nice one on the plane ride back. He was cute--but short. 5'5". He was stunned when I stood up.

When strange men ask if you want to make a $100, say yes. I earned some quick and kinda painless cash. So I talked to this guy and it was for time share presos. 1.5 hours of high pressure sales, lunch and then you get your cash. The whole thing was kind of funny, and I had to lie (which the marketing guy told me to do) to say I made enough money to go. The sales lady was not very good at all, and if I was in the market for a place, I can't say I'd buy from her. I think she learned real estate sales off of a home video.

Apparently I naturally arch my back and stick out the tatas when waving at passing helicopters holding military folk. Katie pointed this out to her great amusement one day. But can you blame me?

It is impossible to straighten my hair on a tropical island.

Katie wears jeans to work and skirts to the beach. Love the island culture.

And in the interet of continuing the island experience...going to Jimmy Buffet on Tuesday! Salt! Salt!

Yeah...yah?

Hawaii--in a word--great. Sun, games, drinks, naps, good-looking men with great tans. Why am I leaving? Now I really get why Manoa went to the trouble to ship her car here.

What a relaxing time I've had. We've laughed, she's cried, and I've been throughly impressed with the bodies of her roommates. Reminds me of Andre in CR, but they speak English all the time and have blonde hair.

Our time has consisted of going to various beaches around the island, drinking on those beaches and playing games (I got a bingo in scrabble spelling "flinger"--one who flings!) til literally the sun goes down and the sand is being whipped at us by the trade winds. We went to this incredible beach that was in From Here to Eternity. Stunning. Small spit of sand on the south side of the island with waves crashing in a like mad and turtles somehow fighting their way in and out. (Granted, I was looking for some eggs to eat!) We went out and did our best to keep our tops on, which was tricky because the waves would spin you around pummel you forward. But then again, I'm not above flashing a bit. Give someone a little thrill I say.

Manoa is unfortuntately a bit under the weather, but she is rallying valiently in an effort to keep me entertained. What a woman. Who by the way has picked up the Hawaii saying of making a statement and saying "yeah?" after it. But is's kinda more like "Ya?" almost European. It's cute, and you can spot the locals by their usage of this. Like the native LA folk who say, "take THE 101 to THE 380."

We are headed back to the north shore today to eat at some place that had such amazing food the first time Manoa went, that she has been afraid to go back out of fear it won't be as good. (I'm serious!) And then we're hoping to beach it a bit and run into someone from Lost who doesn't weigh 400 pounds. (That's the only person from the show that she's seen). She just told me that she thinks he only weighs 250. I don't think she could get a job at Carnival guessing people's weights. Maybe their birthdays.

Oh, and kids--my hair is a struggle. I have started wearing it in a Princess Leia fashion which I think is cute. No one else has said that, but I think they are just jealous they didn't think of it first. The curls will not be contained!!

Have a great day you fine people!

iPod Abbreviated Results

These are the songs I use for working out and more UP kind of things. So it is not a true rep of my iPod--but I was curious to see how it turned out. Kinda like checking the 8 Ball...

How does the world see you?
Push it –Salt and Peppa

Will I have a happy life?
Be Our Guest—Beauty and the Beast

What do my friends really think of me?
Life’s a Show—Buffy the Vampire slayer—the musical (Seriously)


Do people secretly lust after me?
Lithium—Nirvana


How can I make myself happy?
California Dreamin—Mamas and the Papas


What should I do with my life?
Friends in Low Places—Garth Brooks

Will I ever have children?
Another One Bites the Dust—Queen

What is some good advice for me?
U Can’t Touch This—MC Hammer

How will I be remembered?
Its Ur Birthday—50 Cent

What is my signature dancing song?
Crazy Little Thing Called Love--Queen

What do I think my current theme song is?
When You Believe—Whitney and Mariah

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Satellite—Astro Lounge

What song will play at my funeral?
Crazy--Aerosmith

What type of men do you like?
Crying--Aerosmith

What is my day going to be like?
Give me One Reason—Tracy Chapman

Leaving on a Jet Plane

In a scant 24 hours, I will be in Hawaii, and it really couldn't come soon enough for me. Except for the fact that I am presently watching Lost, it is 9:45 and I haven't packed a thing. I did go shopping tonight to hopefully impress the locals with my lily white skin and uniquely spirited hair that refuses to be tamed.

Unfortunately, my voice is gone AGAIN which is frustrating because,well, I like to talk Plus I love to meet people on planes, and I feel like I'll be the sick person no one wants to sit next to. I'm going to load up on pills to mask my condition, so hopefully no one will be the wiser.

I will not be attending Easter this year, which is a bummer because it is one of my favorite holidays with my fav people. Alas, my contribution is typically to incite an arguement with the Hansen elders, so I'll leave it to the Kid to bring up the rights of immigrants. Of course, the Kid probably agrees with their position (which is shocking as a UCSC grad), so maybe someone else will step up with my dissenting opinion.

I think I'm going to do the iPod thingy now, so a second post is forthcoming. THEN I'll pack. Promise!

Ass, Grass, or Cash--no one rides for free

I recently heard the title of this blog, and I have to say that circle gets that square. As in--hits the nail on the head. If you're riding along, you need to throw down a little somethin' somethin if you expect anything from this kid. That is just a personal gripe that needed to be vented, and I'll move on...

Lately I've been down and out and oddly emotional for a girl whose mother says she has a heart of stone. (What kind of mother would say that? The same kind that gets called "Butterface" by her daughter...) Work has just been an ass kicker--lemme give you the dealio mi amigos:

Our secretary (who just started in October and was pretty harassed by some of the staff) up and quit on Friday;
The district just announced that effective August 2007 as part of a whole district shake-up, our school will switch from k-3 to k-5;
A kid overheard a 2nd grader saying he would shoot his teacher with a bb gun. The kid was suspended, and although the teacher asked, the principal and district thought he should stay in the same class. So when he returned to school yesterday, the teacher called the police because she felt unsafe and the kid (who is SEVEN) was arrested and now has a juvie record.

But on the happy side of things:
I got to teach the chicken dance and the hokey pokey.
Going to Hawaii one week from today. Loving that. Manoa Missy kicks ass!
It's almost my birthday!
My friend out of the blue told me in a public place that I have nice legs. That was really nice. Glad I shaved!
I just started a laugh out loud funny book. Me Talk Pretty One Day. G-reat. Thanks Mingle!
I found the answer to a pressing question in Cosmo. It was a moment like when I first read that book He's just not that into you. you know, when men don't call, it's generally because they don't want to talk to you. If you call and ask, that will be pretty much what you get out of the conversation. So I saved myself that trouble. Woo hoo!

I suppose this karmatic (word?) payback for my barley pop friend, damn. Why is my life so even steven? I'm so Jerry Seinfeld. I think I'll throw a 20 out the window and see if I can create some luck.

Another thing is becoming a bit chillingly apparent. I am beginning to think (based on the people that I seem to be attracting lately), that there seems to be no way to avoid a relationship with a divorcee/father. (This is not a fun thought). This is of course if the relationship with the single, short person who works outside doesn't come to fruition.

So I'm thinking I need to get a little Demi Moore and forget the peeps in their 30s. Because they're just going to be 40 soon. Which is surprisingly followed by 50. And who wants to date someone 50?

Want Me to Drive Your Car?

Ok, so most of my loyal readers are more outspoken than I in awkward social situations--so I'm turning to you for your advice. This weekend, a friend of a friend said the following comments to me in a loud voice in front of multiple people. (All in the guise of "kidding"). I should preface this by saying I had just gotten my hair done and it looked pretty great. Here you go:

* "K, your hair does look great. I want to have sex with your hair. And I'm not talking about the hair on your head!"
* "K, you are the first girl I've let drive my car whose pussy I haven't eaten. This is not to say that I wouldn't. Do you want me to? Because I would totally eat your pussy."

This is just a taste test--the ones I remember. So here is the question. Given that this is a dear friend of a friend, and they were there the whole time, I was both shocked and stunned that this was said in the company or said at all. How would you people have handled it. I thought that anything I said would come out really malicious and mean--lots of material to rip this guy a new one--and I knew he'd say, "I'm just kidding".

Just so you all are aware of what you need to do to get me to be the DD in your car next time we go out...

On a side note--watching the West Wing. Stopped wawtcihng a few years ago. Josh and Donna finally kissed. I love it when longtime crushes hook up. Yeah!

Cuteguy35--I don't think so!

So I had a blind date of sorts that was arranged by my friend Craig on Monday. Met up with Mr. Cuteguy35 (we had exchanged some emails prior to meeting). Now I was told he was 6' with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he was Norweigan. I was picturing someone like Meggie's friend Annette's husband who is the best looking man I've ever seen in real life. Plus, he deemed himself cute--so I was reasonably confident.

Well, I walked into the bar, and THERE HE WAS. All I could see was his hair. Long (middle of his back), greasy and at the same time frizzy. Parted in the middle. Yimminey. Yamminey. Yuck. Never been a fan of the long hair (or long toes). Well, we have a beer, it was boring, he was a software engineer, and carries no love for ford Auto company. OK...Of course I took a break to call and curse craig from the bathroom. Had to be done.

So for future reference. I don't like long hairs! Or long hairs coming out of noses. I saw that recently and if I didn't like the person, I would have told him to clip that action. Considering he is married, I figured that was her problem to live with anyway. Wives, no one wants to see your man's nose hair. It isn't cute. Give me a hairy back before a hairy nose!

Does God Hate Me to Play on Saturdays?

I don't know if I'm entirely responsible for how God plans the weather, but I would just like to point out that prior to the month of Feb. (when I wrote my paper) there was only one Saturday since Thanksgiving that didn't rain. (And on that day, I was REALLY hung-over.)Saturday is when I LOVE playing v-ball in the park. Now that I'm done, another huge storm comes to town. That beautiful weather better return soon!

So, hats off to all you nursing/medical-type/have kids people. My total gross out moment of the day...E. is a girl in my class--sticks just about everything in her mouth. They were measuring today with cubes and I went over to work with her, and she pulls a cube out of her mouth complete with a long drab of spit dangling off of it. I don't know why this totally turns my stomach. I think its the knowledge that when I get sick, it's those damn snotty kids! If I can't handle spit, those other bodily juices just wouldn't be something I could deal with on a daily basis.

But I digress...here is my List of Top Fours...You should note that the next to last Project Runway is on this evening. If you missed it, Bravo is kind enough to re-run it on a practical loop. Heidi Klum is just pretty beyond words. Seal must have one hell of a personality.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Newpaper delivery GIRL (not a boy as I was tragically mistaken for once when I was 10 and chose to wear a hat.)
2. Video store clerk. Best job in high school. Give free movies to your friends...watch movies at work...learn about sex from the slutty other clerks...(and get busted when they ask if you think they're sluts and you say yes. that's before I learned that people don't always want to hear what you really think. She told our boss what I said. I just felt I was being honest.)
3. International woman of mystery. ok, I was really just a marketing kinda girl, but since we never sold anything, I really think I fought more crime...especially on our trip to Hawaii.
4. Teacher.

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Shawshank Redemption (thanks TBS!)
2. Goodfellas
3. The Untouchables
4. St. Elmo's Fire. (What life after college was expected to be...)

Four places I have lived:
1. Daly City
2. San Bruno
3. Davis
4. San Jose

Four T.V. shows I love:
1. Project Runway
2. Prison Break
3. The Amazing Race
4. Law & Order, Original and SVU on re-runs.

Four places I have vacationed:
1. Costa Rica
2. Italy
3. England
4. Russian River. Not in Russia--in Sonoma.

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Turkey dinner with the fixings (mashed, stuffing, etc.) from Thanksgiving.
2. Townsend pizza
3. Spaghetti with sausage
4. A really good sandwich on good bread...and if you can make it a panini, all the better.

Four sites I visit daily:
1. CNN
2. The sites of you people.
3. NU.edu to check to see if my grades have been posted.
4. televisionwithoutpity.com if I have missed one of my shows. Gives witty re-caps of what I missed. Not daily, but you should check it out. Good stuff.

Four places I'd rather be right now:
1. A hot beach.
2. With a hot man in a hotel on Union Square.
3. In a great dress dancing after an awesome dinner. With someone taller than me in my kickin' high heeled dance shoes.
4. In Italy. Walking outside all day, followed by a three-hour dinner with plenty of wine.

As You Wish...

So any friend of mine would have to know that saying, "as you wish" is tantamount to saying the big L. Thank goodness for the talents of Cary Elwes and the brilliant person that cast him in a mask at the pinnacle of his good looks. I always like to think of him as the blonde Rhett Butler--making him the best of all possible worlds for this kid. Seeing as I am sitting at home waiting for something exciting to happen (my neighbors are having sex and I think they might finish at any moment), I thought I would distract myself by taking the test posted on KDD's site to see which Princess Bride character you are. I was sure I'd end up being the guy who drinks the iocane powered wine. But look who I ended up as...Westley! And I'm not in the least perturbed by my "change" in gender. I did recently dream that I was a fat Eddie Murphy and the object of my affection was a really fat Tootie.

One More Thing...

So last night I walked into a bar...with my parents and some of our Riva friends and noticed three attractive guys sitting at the bar. After we sat there for a while I realized that one of them was trying to catch my eye--because of course he knew me. It was (shockingly) a v-ball friend and his roommate, who I had gone out with a few times. After dinner I ended up joining them for a drink. Roomie Guy is chatting me up something serious, buys me drinks (which always makes me like someone more) and continues drinking himself. It wasn't until he'd had 4 or five maragritas in total that he seemed to garner the gumtion/balls/etc. to ask me out. I can't decide if he is a alcoholic or just a coward. Either way, typical. Well, then again, he doesn't drive a mini-van while drinking "barley pop" so he probably is ahead of the curve. Of course when we stood up I remembered that he is shorter than I am too. *sigh*

I'm watching Romeo and Juliet (Leo's version). Good movie. Ii wish more people had fish tanks at parties. Nice way to meet someone. Also realized that Michael from Lost plays Mercutio as a drag queen. Interesting to see. He has nice legs.

And by the by, Debbie left me diet cat food that my cat has been eating quite angrily and has made him quite the grump to live with..but he seems to be losing weight! Against his better judgement. So watch and see you fine people! He'll be slim and sleek before you know it! Big bones and fluffiness be damned!

It's Hard to be Fabolous...

So when I left off--more than two months ago, I promised a tell-all of the great Hooters trip of '05. So much delayed--here you go!
The fun all started because I took the train up. The instant I sat down, this guy started talking to me, and when the train started, he said, "you don't mind do you?" and sat down next to me. On an empty train! He was nice enough, and it ended 90 minutes later when he gave me his card and told me how "you can't have enough friends" and we should go out for coffee sometime. Ok, this guy was in his 50s, easy. And thanks, but I have enough friends in their 50s. They're called my parents...

But the highlight of the weekend was Saturday and hitting Hooters. (You shouldn't actually hit hooters by the way:) Big, fun group and we hung out there for a while. The waitresses were really something. Every 10 minutes or so, they would do a different cheer and get some guys up to do it with them. The one I remember went something like "peal the apple, peal the banana, squeeze the orange." For the first part they would do a little dance move, and the squeeze part they would start hugging customers and jiggling. It was pretty funny. A lot of the guys were 19 and they were really enjoying it. Kristin and I both left with shirts, and I don't know what it is, but we took some pictures later in them, and our tits look huge! Love that! I had a discussion with K's brother that I would kill her for having with mine, and later we went with him to play poker and look at Penis performance art.
...Segaway...
This was kind of odd...I went to the dentist and had the strangest hygienist. Apparently, I need to change my lifestyle to fit in flossing, because otherwise, I can get heart disease. (Diet, exercise--for schmucks! Flossing--that's the ticket!) Then after she cleaned my bottom teeth, she said, "Well, we're three-quarters done". Um, no, I think that's half.

Christmas was good to the Foss Fam this year. I did pretty well in gift giving. The cousins loved the Atari game (30 classic games!)…and their parents did too! My parents are always very generous with clothes, books and household supplies. B, E & Z gave me a Kate Spade bag, face cleansing system (what's he trying to say?), Gone with the Wind and To Kill a Mockingbird. (He always gives great gifts). I have wanted those books because my copies are tattered, torn and have been dropped in a lake or two. A very nice xmas!!

The school year has been good and bad. Nice class, but lots of kids in and out, so that makes it tough. I do enjoy it everyday, and have only had one day that I really didn't want to go to work. I think it had something to do with the cold weather, and my desire to just stay in bed.

I have this week off, so I spent a few days playing and hanging out in the city. I discovered that I am in fact the best Donkey Kong player in SF. (You can check the score at the metreon for KVF). This is of course unless (as I am beginnning to suspect) they unplug the machines every night so that everyone can be on the high score board (however briefly).

Finishing up the thesis this week, so I will soon be the master of my domain. And yours as well. I'm hoping that this will be the thing I need to make me become a really efficient, tidy and non-late person. Or will I think, I have a Masters, those are problems for the little people? Hmmm.

Two things you should check out...the DVDs of House and Lost. Love them both. Have to say I am a big Sawyer fan on lost. i love the unethical con man who is really hot and silently tortured by his past. Even hot when he was getting tortured. I wish they'd show more of him. Kinda like Angel from the good Buffy days.

I'm off to eat lunch and then worry more over my paper. I just had a flash of brilliance--and it makes me happy that I'm at the bottom of it all, a pretty fickle person. You know how you can be really bummed about one thing, but then you realize a small thing about that thing of that person, and suddenly you realize, HA! I don't need this crap! I just had that moment. So I'm going to say fuck off Liu! I don't need you or your thoughts in my paper! That ought to take off a few hours of work! yeah!

Feeling better already! Freedom (almost!)

Your Permanent Record

So I've been MIA of late because anytime I was in front of my computer I was trying to avoid writing my report cards, so obviously I was distracted by Spider solitare and that damn refrigerator that really needed to be cleaned. Conferences start tomorrow, so this week will be quite busy as well. But seeing as I've scheduled all of those, there's really no avoiding the work that will happen as a result. Damn!

But play catch up with me now on what the hell else has been happening...

Thanksgiving morning I met lovely Manoa Missy for a rousing breakfast. First people in the place. And yes Dale, when you go to breakfast early, you actually do beat the crowd (except at the Chinese place). Later, I went with my dad out on some errands. See, my dad tends to get a little fanatical about things. Back in the younger years it was cars, now it is firewood. But he has to get it for free. He was working at Lowes prior to the back problems, and learned where they dispose of wood. My mom refuses to take him to get this, but I took him where I found myself looking through a dumpster for this wood. We filled up about a third of the truck with this stuff. My dad was thrilled. So Friday, he sent about an hour cutting up wood, and he just couldn’t have been happier. Meanwhile, I’ve become a dumpster diver. So the next time you are at our cabin and see all the lovely wood next to the stove, you’ll know how it got there. The only price was my pride…

After that, things improved. The weather was still gorgeous yesterday, so I went to the beach later with Jodi and the dogs. Charlie (my parents’ dog) caught and killed a gopher and then proceeded to bring it to me and drop it at my feet where I watched the poor thing twitch for a few seconds and then die. Happy Thanksgiving!! He was quite proud and I was quite disgusted, so we (ok, she) quickly buried it and kept on walking.

I did receive a classic Brad invite to dinner last week. He said he was making cheeseburgers for he and Zach since Erika wasn't going to be home. I said I'd bring a salad and fries. I got an email from him that afternoon and he needed me to bring pretty much everything but the meat. Lucky for him they were quite good burgers. This was followed by getting my ass kicked by Zach in xBox, and a hotly contested backgammon match with Brad. I would like to say I let Zach win, but given that I would never throw a game (and I think you all know that), I have to admit I just got schooled. I can only improve though. We played a Star Wars game and my score was -2. I didn't kill any bad guys and killed 2 good guys. Oops.

And last week I got to experience a kid having a two hour crying fit. I subbed for the morning teacher, and she got a new student fresh from Mexico. Not a word of English, and he became frantic and hid in the girls bathroom once his mom left. And I'm not talking silent tears here. Sobs and pleas for me to call his mother. And vows that he will not be coming back tomorrow. All before 8:15. It was quite a morning. It finally passed when I sat down with him and we colored a picture together during the recess. After that he was fine. Thank. God. And we got to listen to Peter and the Wolf which I've always liked, so that made things better. Nothing like 5 year olds listening to classical music...

This little boy in Luis did the funniest thing the other day. There is a boy in our class named Randy who is the quietest kid--never says boo to anyone. Luis started saying his name rolling the r and kind of growling at the end with this funny twist of his head. It was like he was saying Zorro, or someone tremendously exciting. I couldn't stop laughing. Still makes me laugh now. This is also the kid that during the class picture I told everyone to smile and show their teeth. He heard the teeth part, but not the smile. He is actually kind of snarling in the pic. Its quite a photo...

Thanks for catching up with me...soon I'll tell you about my weekend of Hooters and Burns. Not to be confused with Burns' Hooters.

That Must Have Been Some Weekend...

I showed up at a training session about two weeks ago to find Mike with two badly concealed hickeys (monkey bites as my mother would say) on either side of his neck. He asked about my weekend and I rambled some mundane answer. At which point I asked about his and he said, "Well, you can probably tell by looking what kind of weekend I had. And these aren't from my ex-girlfriend." That's right ladies, the man-whore is once again single. Thank goodness for gifts from above. As I ran my ass off, he proceeded to tell me (in the graphic detail I always seem privy to) how EXACTLY these hickeys were inflicted upon him. To his great delight I might add. Then we proceeded on with my workout where I learned that shoulders are in fact a support muscle, and mine are nowhere near as strong as I would have guessed.

Other than the man-whore, things are pretty mellow on the home front. The job is going well, even though there is some turmoil that is in the works in terms of leadership. I'll fill y'all in when there is something of interest to report. At this point, there is a lot of hyperbole, but nothing of interest other than to people that work here.

Thanksgiving will be spent at the parentals. A friend is making a surprise re-appearance for Thanksgiving, and we'll be having breakfast at 6:30 on Thursday morning. Am I a friend and a half?

I am having din-din at chateua de Townsend this evening and I am being beckoned to my first fully authorized veggie dinner. Wish me luck!

Man Whore

So I won some personal training sessions at 24 Hour Fitness and I met with Mike for the first time last Tuesday. Let me start by saying Mike is 21, about 6'2" and to sum it up quickly--hot. Mike and I had a good rapport straight away, and we started talking about our lives as I was sweating to Gwen Stefani on the treadmill. He repeatedly mentioned his girlfriend, so I asked how long they'd been together. "Since Thursday. And you know I haven't been this happy since the summer." Um, ok. He then went on to tell me that he used to work at Outback steakhouse as a "hostess". He lliked it because he met a lot of people, but I guess people talked trash and he got a reputation as a "Man Whore". But he's "not like that when he has a girlfriend". Super!

The thing is, he is so earnest and is trying so hard, I have to do my very best not to laugh, so I nod and say I know what he means because, what else can a girl say? He did give me an incredibly tough workout, so that was good. Another session tonight, so I's gots to roll. Hopefully he'll have some more good stories for me.